Grand Theft Auto 5- 9 out of 10 (great replay value)

I’m old enough to have played the original Grand Theft Auto games before Rock Star Games became the juggernaut they are today. The first couple of games had mediocre graphics at best. They had very simple concepts. Steal cars. Run people over for points. Have sex with hookers to fill your health bar. While stupid in many ways, these were some of first video games that allowed you to control and play as a bad guy instead of a good guy. It was fun being a villain for a change instead of your stereotypical hero.

By Grand Theft Auto 3, I was starting to lose interest. The games were still funny, but pretty much the same old shit. Steal cars. Rob people. Run from cops. And so on and so on. I never got into Grand Theft Auto Vice City, San Andreas or V. Just recently I bought and played V. I will have to admit, it’s a very good game. Decent enough storyline. Tons of side missions to do. And very cool that you play as three different characters, all with storylines of their own and missions to complete.

(Michael De Santa. Lifelong criminal and first character you control in GTA5)

For those that have avoided and not played Grand Theft Auto V, let me give you a little background on the game. GTA5 was one of the most hyped games of all-time. In my life, it was the first game since Super Mario Brothers 3 that was hyped this much. I remember seeing at least a half-dozen commercials daily about it before its release. To date, GTA5 is the third best-selling video game in history. Sales of GTA5 currently stand at 115,000,000 copies sold.

What really made this game stand out was the open world. There are tons of areas to explore. You can customized not only your cars, but your clothes, physical appearance and weapons. You play as three characters. The game starts with you controlling a guy named Michael in a bank robbery gone wrong. Michael is a longtime crook. While he now lives a rich lifestyle due to helping the FEDS, Michael has a failing marriage and trouble relating with his two kids. Then there’s Franklin. A black man living in the more dangerous part of town. He is an excellent car thief with street knowledge. In his world, we see racism and parts of society many of us sadly wish to ignore. Last but not least, Trevor. The meth-out former “friend” of Michael’s. Trevor is unstable, crazy and shows no mercy toward those he dislikes or deems a threat.

(Franklin Clinton. To me, the most balance character of the game and overall, best one to control.)

To sum the game up without writing 35 paragraphs is simple. It reminds me of the movie Pulp Fiction. You have three characters. Each has their own set of main missions that you have to complete in order to advance and beat the game. Each has their own set of side missions you can do, which are optional. While each character has their own issues and problems they face, their storylines come together, leading to the main plot of the game. Rock Star did an awesome job with this. You can spend hours as Franklin. Completing as many side missions and exploring areas for hours and days. With a few controller outputs, bam, you are now controlling Trevor. His missions are completely different than Franklin’s. This helps keep the game fresh and gives it a very high replay value.

GTA5 is a great game. Some critics still see it as a primitive game of “beating up hookers, stealing cars and running from the police” which is not true. The game uses Satire to poke fun at politics, racism and other issues better than any gaming developer out there. With the said, the critics are also correct. At the end of the day, the game is about being a criminal. There is no redemption. Michael is still a cocky crook. Franklin is now a high class crook. Trevor is, well, still a crazy killer with millions of dollars now.

(While I find Trevor Phillips to be the funniest of the 3, I also find his missions to be my least favorite out of the 3.)

I’m happy I finally played GTA5 in late 2019. I spent about three weeks on it during the holidays. Overall I had a good experience with the game. I found the replay value to be high as there are so many missions and ways to play the game. The game has numerous endings and like RDR1 and RDR2, becomes an open world of free roam after you complete all the main missions. I am not sure the hype of why this game ranks third in sales all-time. While a very good game, I don’t see it as groundbreaking or legendary. With that said, I rate GTA5 a 9 out of 10.

My top 10 favorite bad guys in video gaming history

10. Dr. Eggman from Sonic the Hedgehog – A cool boss with a wide range of attacks, weapons and vehicles. Arguably the most famous bad guy of the Sega Genesis.

9. Bowser from Super Mario Brothers – I almost left him off my list, but how can anyone not place the most recognized bad guy in video gaming history in their top 10? You can’t. While I have lost interest in Super Mario games for at least a decade, Bowser is very nostalgic for me.
8. Ganon from the Legend of Zelda – The Legend of Zelda is my favorite 8-bit video game. I love Zelda, a Link to the Past and I believe Zelda 2 Link’s Adventure is underrated. Hard to leave Ganon off my list as I was once a giant Zelda fanboy.
7. Micah Bell from Red Dead Redemption 2 – RDR2 quickly became a favorite game of mine. Micah is a pure asshole. Mean to children. Pervert. Dog killer (99% chance). Liar. Traitor. A racist. Dude sucks, but makes one hell of a great bad guy.

6. Dr. Wily from Mega Man – I am a NES Mega Man fanboy. I love part two and believe the other five NES versions are underrated games. Easy for me to add Dr. Wily to the list. Each game saw him with new technology and weapons. Always a fun boss to battle!

5. Jimmy Lee from Double Dragon 1 – he shocked millions of gamers when you found out that he was the brother of the character you played as and leader of the Black Warriors. What a prick.
4. Albert Wesker from Resident Evil – Throughout the game, this douche pretends to help you. After hours of gameplay you find out this ass was a double agent and bad guy, making you hate him twice as much.
3 . Mike Tyson from Mike Tyson’s Punch Out – Without Mike Tyson, Punch Out is not the real Punch Out. Tyson was my favorite boxer growing up. Having to beat him as a child made it that much more fun, as I truly believed I was defeating Tyson.
2. Mark Jefferson from Life is Strange – To begin with, I don’t like hipsters. Meaning I disliked Jefferson from the first time I saw him. Learning he has a history of kidnapping females, drugging them and even murder, made me hate him even more. Oh yeah, the dude shot Chloe Price.  
1.Dutch van der Linde from Red Dead Redemption – Playing part two made me hate him even more. You see how he lies and uses people around him to his advantage and own self-interest. He leaves friends to die. Doubles crosses people such as Native Americans he pretends to help. How can you not hate Dutch? Add his charm, how quick witted he is and intelligence, you have one of the greatest bad guys of all-time.

LJN – worse than hell

When you hear Rock Star Games, you think fun. Grand Theft Auto and Red Redemption games come to mind. Rock Star has made some of the best-selling and critically acclaimed games in history. If you grew up during the 8 and 16 bit eras, you know and love Capcom. They gave us classics like the Mega Man series, Ducktales and the Street Fighter games. Maybe you were a Konami fanboy. They made the hard games we love such as Contra, Lifeforce and Jackal. Or maybe you loved Sunsoft which gave us the awesome NES Batman game, the arcade classic Spy Hunter and the underrated Gremlins 2.

Then there is LJN. They were the exact opposite of the video game companies I named above. They made disaster after disaster. Failure after failure. And it’s not like they did this with one genre of games. They ruined platforming games, side scrolling games and sports. When you see a LJN logo, you would be better off using meth than playing these games.

Look, every company makes a bad game. Companies have low points during their history. Konami made Top Gun for the NES. It sucks worse than a Pauly Shore movie. You can’t knock them all out of the park. But it’s not like Konami kept making more Top Guns. They made classics with a fuck up there and there. LJN kept dumping out turd after turd. If I ever become an enemy of the state, the FBI or military would not need torture. Just put me in a room and force me to play LJN games. I would find the body of Jimmy Hoffa.

(X-Men for the NES. Your parents might as well bought dog shit with their hard earned money than wasted it on this crap.)
(The infamous LJN Logo. Also known as the video game face of Satan himself.)

I could name a bad game that Rock Star, Capcom and Sunsoft all made like I did with Konami. But their overall body of work outweighs the bad. LJN has a never ending list of shit. Back to the Future, sucks. Beetlejuice, horse shit. MLB (baseball) a broken mess. X-Men, basically unplayable. Who Framed Roger Rabbit, some of the worst video game controls in history. Nightmare on Elm Street, a real life nightmare. Bill and Ted, a disgrace to humanity. You see a pattern here?

We all should be thankful that LJN is no more. Sadly, us children of the 1980’s and much of the 1990’s had to suffer through their games. Our hard-working parents wasted money on these games that we stopped playing within the first hour of owning them. Many of us wasted a weekend renting these terrible games. We broke controllers over these worthless games. I still drink heavily when I hear someone utter the words “LJN”. I picture hell itself being nothing but NES systems with nothing but LJN games to play.